Well, did you eva...

So today at a meeting I was reminded forcibly of how post 92 institutions work, and it was not a happymaking thing. I wont say specifically what happened but I was talking to a very pretty young lecturer afterwards and gave him some warnings. Some of which were  clearly too late.  So herefor anyone working in academia is a list of things to beware of, particularly in post 92s.

The Email Game.
In the mornings you will get a variety of emails. Your colleagues will send them, and they often start "I had thing x brought to my attention and I know this is your area of expertise so wondered..." and then proceeds to detail a task.  Here is the thing, if that task was anything kther thana shitstorm of dingoes kidneys then your colleaguewould do it themselves for the hours credit. They are playkng pass theparcel because they can hear it ticking. It is utterly vital that you pass these on again. Draw a flow chart of expertise and use it to divert. If you get a reputation for saying yes you are beyond fucked.

Do Not Say Yes.
At meetings or in conversation do not say yes. If a task tickles your fancy offer to look into it, in veiled language.  My old boss Tim used to say only do something if you care about it, or can do it well. Or both. He was right. At firstyou will be under pressure to meet your contact hours total and so tempted, but do not do it.

It Starts With An Audience.
This, in the competitive HE world should not need saying. But sadly it does. Do your market research first. Who are you trying to recruit? What do they want from a course? How can you contact them? What do they get from it?  Heres how it SHOULD go...
New course is mooted. Marketing and student recruitment identify a demographic and the demographics needs/wants.  Senior management sign off on the concept. The course is written to deliver this and then passed for validation. Then you recruit actively and launch.
Here is what happens...
Govt funding is announced and only noticed late in the day. A course, any course, is cobbled together at the last minute by junior staff who cant play the email game. The course has been recruited by staff who didnt know the content because noone did. It doesnt address a demographic because the course is about what the institution can easily deliver, not about need. It will work, at low recruitment levels, because anything will. Next time, because it ran ok the course is rerun because, well, it worked and nobody can be arsed to do it right. The course never developes and is dropled after 3 yrs.
Rinse and repeat

Get a Mentor.
You need someone to deflect the shit.

It Is Political, but Not Necessarily Personal
If you think Westminster has politics, buckle up kid you aint seen nothing yet. Do nlt align yourself with a bloc until you know who does what. Be aware of the manouevring even if you do not want to join in. Eventually you will end up doing it too. Find a way to live with this.

Learn The Rules
The only way you can help students is by understanding the power structure. Your jnstitution will have a constitution. Learn it. I am serious, you are pointless without it.

I do not doubt I will think of more. But that is it for now. Good luck Padowan.

people think I'm insane because I am frowning all the time.

So today was a day.  still is in many ways.
first was chasing around to get new contacts to try and also pick up cheap Harry Palmer glasses for enhanced driveseeing. That went ok.  I keep trying new contacts because i hate glasses but wearing contacts so far is like tipping sand in my eyes.  Horrible feeling. new ones frankly only slightly better.  2 hrs in and i want to inssert an icepick.  am using comfort drops at vast rate.
So after that I went to the psychiatrist.  Her role seems to be as a central clearing house for admin and platitudes. I tell her my issue is that I am just keeping moving with no real purpose and when i stop the emotions are unbearable.  She says tht often what people need is to keep moving till things sort themselves out.  I point out its been 45 years shouldnt something have sorted itself out by now?
I still lack motivation for anything.
I am biologically redundant, evolutionarily redundant, societally redundant.  What am I for?  Anyone posting a comment about the intrinsic beauty and worth of life will receive a parcel of irate mustelids by post
Speaking of which saw 2 weasels crossing my path this morning after the school run.  They were very quick, you could miss them quite weasily.
In life news Spock is arranging dates and stuff.  Its very strange.

And on a lighter note...exciting news from China

Here is one that many academics would recognise...

Once you have published a couple of times your name goes into a massive database of evil which does several things.  Firstly if you are researching SALTM then your Big Pharma shill cheques get activated.  Secondly there is peer review.

Most do not realise that peer review is something scientists do for free.  It isn't done by a Secret College of guardians it is done by workers in the field, in their imaginary spare time.  Well actually it is often done by the Igors of the workers in the field. Its dreadful, that ping in your inbox which means at least 4 hrs work just dropped in your lap.  If you are being honest and diligent that is.  And if you are not then blame yourself for the crappy reviews you get.  That video, by the way, is practically a documentary.

But on top of this is the requests for conferences.  Conferences are a bit like opiates.  being accepted for a talk is a warm, fluffy, addictive experience.  Iin my field, for example, one conference has a 90% failure rate on talk submissions.  Invited lectures are even better.  That goes on your CV.
But...last few years there has been a plague of invites from China.  They offer invited lectures in Qingdao or wherever.  They don't offer to defray expenses.

I got one this morning from someone with the delightful name Vantasy Wang.

I have never knwonw anyone who ever took them up on these invites.  I have also no idea if this is real or a scam.  If it is real I really wonder what is going on in China to give sooo many conferrences.

For many academics the Chinese conference invite is displacing the Nigerian royalty email as the spam du jour.

Mow mow mow your boat

The groves of academe can be pleasant. This morning l had to give an early lecture on entropy, which is always a fun subject. I mean what could be more fun than the end  of the universe?
But I started off with plugging my movember campaign . Its horrible to think that of all the handsome bright men in the lecture room roughly four will kill themselves . EDS is well known for being linked to depression . Constant pain, disability, poisoned genes etc. will do that to you.
Support groups help of course BUT ...
EDS mainly affects women. The support .groups can feel like hen parties. ..
Men are bad at sharing weakness at the best of times. But for many  showing weakness in front of a woman is impossible.
l am doing movember for the depressed suicidal zebra males out there. l am up to 8 suicide attempts sofar. l don't really want more. Movember is not Just about balls and prostrates it is also about Mental Health. So I am becoming a walrus for madness.
I have had a beard for 3 years. In that time I have lost 70 Kg So l look different. My neice says I look like House. My wife says I look like Dr. Who. l think I look old. Ho Hum.
In other news I have a cold and my Joints are on fire. Left hip is particularly bad as is right wrist. My shoulder dislocated whilst doing sit-ups in last nights physio. And it keeps snowing.