Leaves are brown, and the sky...

It has been a bad few days.
Last week I had a meeting with my IDT where we agreed that there was nothing they could do but play with the meds.  The shrrink was also a bit blunt about the fact that my Aspergers is not remediable. Or almost certainly not.
The shrink and I then plotted what our next move would be , med-wise, which looks like thyroxine.  So he asked for a thyroid test.  I was going to the GP anyway because of my knee so added in a flu jab, an alteration to the med scheds and asked for a thyroid test.  GP pointed out my thyroid function was being tested regularly, i had been boringly normal for 3 years and that had the shrink logged in properly he could see that.
So ho hum.
Anyway the reason for the search is that I am not stable.  I hesitate to say i am bipolar.  I think I am unipolar but brittle.  The Bupropion has helped a bit at higher dose, i think.  But I am getting lots of panic and depression at very short notice.  Walking down a street the other day I was fine at the top, shaking and crying at the bottom.  The shaking thing is an issue.  I am getting marked tremor that comes on at times.  I mentioned this to the shrink and he kindly suggested that as I had been having a gin and tonc at night as a hypnotic it was probably the D.T.s.
Cunt.
So I did a dry week, absolutely no difference except the normal, which is that sleep without hypnotics gives me nightmares.  All night.
So a week of early waking for naught, although I did find out what the shakes were.  They are an exaggerated form of fatigue tremor.  They come on after I have used muscles for a bit.  I think this may be a bupropion side effect.
Mrsinky has found a house to move to.  Given that we had a blazing row, largely because my low mood coincided with her being cross, but my mood went so low I do not know how I stayed alive.  Rang the emergency line for the first time in ages.
well we got through, and now she is moving out.  this makes me very sad because i love her, but also relieved because we were making each other ill.
well it had to happen.
On the plus side I have managed to gym a couple of times.  I started on some leg exercises and got back into doing deadlifts.  I now remember why all the men I Know who are into deadlifts have such wonderful taut arses.  God it works your glutes.
I also have done more bike lessons and continue to improve.  I still need practice but its better.  Today went out in the rain and got the coldest bollocks I have ever had.  Jesus. Took me ages to thaw them out.  Must get better protective clothing.
I am still stuck with the untreatable Aspergers thing.  I went on a couple of dates that were so bad people bailed early.  Was such a blow.  I know I am Asperging them but cannot help it.
Arg.