Hot air for a cool breeze

So yesterday and today were different brands of shit. Depression and anxiety very high and debilitating. I have been forcing myself to go to the gym and do jobs etc. But its hellish. Anxiety attacks in asda that kind of thing. I really am not coping wellwith this. I am on bupropion day 5 and i cant really tell any difference yet, though its early days.
I had a game of backgammon and dinner last night and true to form Spock came through and was charmkng and interactive and had a nice evening. Driving home I was silently crying and fearful, not of anything, just fearful.
Ive identified the flies from the other day. They are eye floaters. My brain is noticing them more and assigning meaning to them.
Last night Sheldon workedout that the gap between the cuddlepillow and me was an excellent catvalley.  My subcomscious recognised this and kept me immobile all night.  Result is a subluxed left shoulder which is very troublesome.  Ho hum.

Every now and then I fall apart

So another bad few days.  After an argument with Mrsinky left me numb on Sunday I have relly struggled to go out.  At the same time a post came up at a v good Uni I used to work at so I had to apply.  The application ended up being 12 pages of close type.  I have a cat in hells chance of getting it but had to try.  Worst part was the equal opps form....they had a tick sheet for types of disability and i basically got bingo on it.
But the effort was exhausting.  In the middle of it I had to stop and go to see the new psychiatrist, who gave me  bupropion, which I am now on day 2 of.  he was a gentle voiced beardy of the 'you believe it and thats what matters' school of cuntery.  Still at least its a different thing to try.
All this has eft me exhausted and weepy.  Ive had a lot of agoraphobic type incidents.  Today am stuck in middle of the couch with the shakes.
my brain is not working well at all.  every time i see mrsinky i just fall apart more.
nothing I do makes it better.
In other news I have a new cuddlepillow to support me during sleep and it is very good, but my neck hates it.  not sure how to support that.