...Try it. Part 1

It is with a heavy heart I take up my pen...

Actually it is with a heavy heart I do most things these days. The reason is tied up with my prolonged absence from this blog.
I met someone.
Sounds simple doesn't it?
Actually for me it is far from simple as my aspergers tends to make it very difficult to do social things like that. Hence why I love apps like grindr and scruff where you can just directly ask for sex without being hit or locked up.
Trouble is of course that sex is generally all you get. Generally.
Anyway in March 2016 I was browsing scruff and lo and behold there popped up a picture of a lean viking warrior. A kind face with a trimmed fair beard and just the right amount of weatherbeaten. I mean just...wow.
So I send a message even though he was 50 miles away. Who wouldn't?
I'm going to call him Noggin in honour of the brave king of the Nogs documented by Oliver Postgate. Younger readers may see those documentaries on YouTube.
Anyway I chatted and he chatted and eventually I suggested maybe we should meet up. Just for tea and biscuits as his profile suggested that he was not really into just shagging first thing and I believe he said as much.
So I found out that he liked dark chocolate and ginger and I got the best dark chocolate and ginger biscuits I could find. I made sure the place was at least tidy by my standards and round he came.
When he knocked on my door he looked just like his picture. You wouldn't believe how rarely that happens.
Anyway we sit and we chat and he was...complex. He was a bit shy and nervous but then who wouldn't be. His voice just resonated with care and empathy. He was interesting. Knew a lot about philosophy and we had a discussion there because I mentioned my lifelong adherence to utilitarianism. He was a vegetarian but not because of cuteness of animals but rather refreshingly because he was not yet decided about whether it was ethical to eat animals and didn't want to do so while he was making up his mind.
But there was something else.
As a child I was abused. Physically, psychologically and sexually. (By other children at school)
And I knew, just knew that he too had been abused in some way by someone.
I also knew for the first time in my life that the person in front of me desperately needed someone to treat him with kindness and tenderness. And needed sex so hard it hurt.
This was just meant to be tea and biscuits and see what happened. He had been clear from the start that relationships were not on the cards but maybe if we liked each other friends with benefits. But that would be later.
But gentle reader I saw a kind gentle thoughtful and deep man in need. I saw someone who had suffered and hurt. And they were gorgeous. Gentle reader...what would you do?
As an aspie I never initiate kisses or sex on dates. Grindr meets you know it's about sex. But dates...it's about non verbal cues as to whether you go for it. And so I never do. In fact I say up front to my date as I had to Noggin that if they wanted any physical contact they had to tell me directly.
But after we had talked for hours I stood up and said in my normal level of romance "The hell with this, do you want to come upstairs?"
And he said yes.
He was nervous. But I wasn't. I was going to let this man know there was love and kindness in the world. Even in strangers. And who is stranger than me?
So I went slowly. I was gentle. At each ...stage...I said to him that if at any point he was uncomfortable even slightly he should just tell me to stop. And that I would instantly with no problems at all.
He didn't tell me to stop. In fact as I remember it the only thing I remember him saying as we reached a certain level of disrobement was "Oh...OK".
I'm not going to describe in detail. But I didn't have sex with him. I made love to him. An act of warmth and kindness to someone who deeply deserved it. One that made me feel better about myself and more fulfilled than any grindr meet.
Afterwards we dressed, talked a little more and he left. We said we should do it again sometime and unlike most times this is said we both meant it.
And I was smiling all night.