Eponymous

I am seldom at a loss for words. But just now I am struggling even with actions. I have no clear path in front of me and no solid ground beneath me.  Everything I can think of is turned up to shit.
I can barely walk. My good hip spontaneously subluxed last week leaving me unable to do normal things. I get about 10 percent of the way round sainsburys before the pain is crippling. Both my shoulders are bad so i can barely hold a guitar.  I have pains in my thumbs and feet that suggest more joint issues. Such is life. 
It is hard for me  to know how much is real pain and how much is in my head. Its well known pain depends on mood. My mood is so black that i want to take all the things that Mick Jagger painted black in that song and paint them blacker. I did the nhs online depression test and maxed it out.
At xmas I managed to offend my brother. Things are not good at home. Things are not good at work. I am in the shit on every front.
I can blame eds. I can blame drugs. I can blame lots of things.
But I cant see a way out.