Anyway back to where I was before twitter intervened.
predictable slump I think.
Remember I have no treatment regime and a home life that is utterly stressful. Yesterday was a day signifying no motion at all on the treatment/diagnosis front. Still the same bureaucratic bollocks no movement. Home is wors, not because of anything new but because it is failing to go right.
Pain is bad (not quite so bad right now but thats the tail end of last nights gin n codeine).
All this has left me...well Spock is still carrying on organising. but Emo is properly depressed.
I havent felt the need to masturbate in about a week. No interest in sex at all. No interest in going out. No interest, in short, in anything.
Overwhelming suicidal thoughts. Have identified the trazodone on my shelf as the best means available.
I do not want this life.
RantingScienceZebra The rantings of a bitter, twisted, sometimes crippled and rather mad scientist
So sorry inky. ♥
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong with the odd bout of acedia - It could just be harmless boredom.
ReplyDeleteGet the trazodone as far away from you as possible.
Get it locked away or hand it in to a pharmacist. Having temptation is not helpful. Lots of love, Cathy xxxx
ReplyDeleteMy solution is that I keep all of my overdose-able medication and all of my self-harm-able sculpting and sewing kit in a box with an open padlock on it (Not a toy, one that I can't casually pick), with the keys outside the house (one in Dearest's wallet, one at Best Friend's house). When I start getting the feeling that I might damage myself, I just need to have the self control to squeeze the padlock shut, and then it's closed until I ask to have it opened again.
ReplyDeleteIf you can trust anyone with the keys, it's a good way to do it.