i don't know why I call him Gerald

So today the joints could move but much pain. Despite this I managed to do a few things. Mainly managed to feel very depressed. Really just wanting to die. Being here means I can turn off, no responsibilities etc. But at the same time that means mr brain, who hates me summons emo. And emo wants to die.
It doesnt help my sleeping pills are still in suffolk. So have been using theakstons.
Anyway today I rang Cherie. Cherie and I have been friends since I was 4. Had we gone to a sensible school that didnt traumatise me we would have married. She has a similar brain to mine, cooks as well but with more attention to presentation and has enormous tits.
However we were both fucked over by the same school. By the time I recovered enough to want to try relationship she was gone. We kept meeting up. There was sex. We did everything wrong. But one of us will bury the other.
Cherie has generally not done much relating, but she is in a relationship now with a really nice guy. So I am not ringing up for rebound sex. More to let her know whats going on. Mrsinky let everyone BUT her know you see.
Mrsinky has always been jealous of  her. Fair dos she was my first love. Broke my heart. When she and I meet we talk like...well very old friends. In a way perce, who gets a load of my artistic witter, has met her and she is impressive. But I never gave mrsinky cause to fear. All meetings she was present, for that reason. Mrsinky reckons Cherie will be on me like flies on shit.
It wont happen. Cheries bloke treats her well and she hasnt had much of that. He is good for her.
Do I love her? Hell yes. But in a different heartspace to Mrsinky.
Anyway, I am going round for tea tomorrow. With both of them. It feels like I am just letting her know why. In case she wonders, later.
Anyway today cooked tea. Involved baalamb. In heaven there is a baalamb that is happily telling its friends how it tasted.
To make it you need leg of baalamb rosemary, lovage, marjoram, onion, mushrooms, apple jelly, dijon mustard.
Oven to 180c
Stab leg deeply all over inserting rosemary into stabs. Slice an onion and 3 mushrooms into a roasting tin, then put the rack on top. Line the centre of the rack with onion, then lovage and marjoram sprigs then lay leg on top. Make a paste of dijon mustard and apple jelly, and some nutmeg. apply thickly to leg. Allow to dry, using hairdryer if in a rush. Cook for 1.5 to 2 hrs. Rest meat and deglaze pan for traditional gravy. Simmer with lumpy bits for best flavour.
Pudding was a pear pie. Sjortcrust top and bottom. Filling equal weights fresh pears and sultanas, teaspoon ginger, sprinkle brown sugar, lemon zest, lemon juice. Play with proportions. This too shall nom.
In other news foal learnt to ride a bike and a scooter today. Woot. You lot can throw all your children away now cos mine wins.