It was one of those quick visits to get drugs and paperwork, but where i really need to talk more at another point but we both know we currently need other things, like the psych assessment, to happen first. Normally my GP visits run like an episode of colombo, with me constantly turning round as i am nearly to the door, pulling a scrap of notepaper out of my pocket and saying "theres just one more thing ...". Ask any doctor, the most important thing comes up last. This time it was like something particularly pensive from Harold Pinter. So much left unsaid. He asked how i was and i said better, but its llike a skin on a rice pudding. It is all there waiting for the skin to break.
I sometimes wonder if that is what I am supposed to be aiming at. Just forming a skin over the cess pit and being careful where I step. Is that normality, just pushing down the misery?
I suppose some catchup is in order. After Tagine day we managed to get the family together to do an outing to Jimmy's Farm where they were having a science day. It was enjoyable enough for a small attraction event. I met some people from Coventry Uni who were struggling a bit with a TLC setup and got chatting, much to foal and mrsinky's mortification. One of the things about my calling is how multidisciplinary it is. I am a renaissance horse in a way and so I can drop into a lot of science setups and banter quite well. For some reason this never goes down well with the distaff side. We had a day where we didnt shout and we didnt fall out. And we met the worlds least convincing emu.
That has to count as a win.
Also one of the lds at the gym apologised for mr blondee twats behaviour.
However other things lurk on the horizon. Old fans will be aware that my typing is often a little random. This was something \i always blamed on the opiates, which I was taking a fair amount of. However I have not been taking the opiates for some while...and it is getting worse. Others noticed previously it was always the same type of error- one spacce difference on the keyboard. It is the same thing. Typing like this on my laptop I can do most things, though errors pop up when i think i have touched a key but havent. on my phone it is almost impossible. My guitar playing...well its sometimes worse sometimes ok so cant really say.
I talked to the optician and she said its not me guv, so that leaves neurological.
the most pleasant option are things like vitamin B deficiency and also the old favourite eds which is linked to proprioceptive deficit.
the other options are....well hypochondriac. I shall not google. Or not again anyway :(
I am an old worry wart at times.
It is very frustrating though. twitter is v difficult as it is.
It's not the least convincing emu ever, it's an emu that's a master of disguise...
ReplyDeleteIt certainly was a convincing weresheep.
DeleteIt's adorable, a rose by any other name.
ReplyDeleteInky, I had never thought properly about Renaissance horses before now, in relation to you, but clearly you are cast from this mold. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leonardo's_horse. His sketches are of course beyond description.
But less of the Gerard Manley Hopkins lad. He did not lead a very happy life. Possibly a repressed (Catholic) homosexual. Not a great combination.
As for dealing with misery. Some trauma can be successfully processed (I believe) but perhaps not all. So we manage as best we can with the dark stuff within us.
Much love, Cathy xxxx
'Ey up Renaissance horse.
ReplyDeleteRegarding your fretting about just forming a crust over the shit being progress or not, I'm bound to point out that I am not a doctor, therapist, priest, nor philosopher*. That said, I no longer cry when reading your posts like I did at the start of the month, I'm more likely to become hungry. Even if this crusting over stuff is just a temporary coping mechanism before more long term processing, I'd suggest that it may be helping. This is a single datapoint, but it's from my finely tuned empathyomoter, so it naturally caries more weight than other anecdotal puffery.
Also if you could have just stuck with the milk based rice pudding skin analogy, I could have finished with a jaunty Harold Pinta joke you bastard.
*I'm barely a unimath me :-)
I like the unfeeling 'caries' typo, suggesting that inky is no more than a rotting tooth that needs to be extracted.
DeleteAnd since when was Harold Pinta a thing, you old bean? ;)
Hi Inky
ReplyDeleteSorry haven't posted for a few days - having radiotherapy this week which makes me a) throw up and b) sleep for 20 out of 24 hours. (I see your typoes and raise you cancer, sort of thing...Joke.)
Anyway, was wondering about how your mental health team meeting went? Any joy?
Love the non-emu. Love your roses (I've just planted 2). Love the Pinter refs - god how I have always hated Pinter, both the man and his work. Love the recipes, although this afternoon I couldn't even face horsey-poo biscuits.
You take care, now. Lx
Sorry to hear the radiotherapy is so grim. I have dark dark memories of Mike going through 6 weeks of Hell - pain so bad in the end even morphine couldn't fix it. I don't think that's appreciated enough really.
DeleteBut I too would like an update on the CMHT referral if you are up for it inky.
Love, Cathy xxx